Friend or foe? 

Over the last few years of my life I’ve had to learn the hard way that not everybody is who you think they are. Not everybody is as kind and giving as you, and not every person will reflect back the kindness you show them. 

As a person I think I’m fairly transparent. Obviously my deep and darkest secrets or past memories are for myself only, but as a person, I think I’m easy to read, honest, reliable and will do absolutely anything, I mean really go above and beyond, for any of my friends. I’m really interested in humans and relationships and as a result I love to interact, I love to make friends and I always want people to like me (I’m sure everyone feels this way to a degree). 

My approach to creating new friendships is one of pure transparency and willingness. 

I believe myself to be a good hearted person who would never intentionally hurt another, a trusting and trustworthy friend, and someone who will always be at the end of the phone. 

However, as I find myself in another predicament whereby I have had the ultimate “friend rejection”, the dreaded block from Facebook, I sit here and wonder, is it me?! 

A friend who I have known for 5 years and who I considered to be a close friend whom although I didn’t see often, I could always chat to and this month I booked a flight to visit her in Copenhagen. Unfortunately, due to a change in circumstance, I was no longer able to go at this time, and instead of being an understanding friend, I was instead met with the dreaded block on Facebook and no response to my last 7 confused text messages and phone calls trying to understand what had gone wrong. In this situation, whilst it was rather frustrating that I was not able to go to Copenhagen, I don’t believe that warranted the abrupt end to a 5 year friendship based on laughs and trust. I’ve spent days trying to come up with a reasonable explanation in my head and I simply cannot. 
This isn’t the first time that a friend had turned on me either. 

Last year, in my previous workplace, a group of girls, whom I had become friendly with, began to bully me, put me down and in the end pushed me out of my job. Previously to this again, one friend who I had genuinely thought was like a sister to me, turned on me one day, for no apparent reason, and to the total disbelief of all my other friends and colleagues who knew her. This truly broke my heart. 

Now there could be a few things going on here: I could be completely choosing the wrong friends; people could be more odd and unpredictable than I ever gave them credit for; I am incredibly too nice and a pushover, or indeed I am not the person I think I am, and push people away myself, facilitating these odd behaviours.

I do think now that at 23 years of age I have gathered what kind of person I am. And that is not a person who is nasty or who would ever shut out a friend or cut off a friendship without just cause or opportunity for explanation. I judge others on my own virtues, and perhaps this is the mistake I make. Others do not have the same respect and love for friends or cherish friendships as I do. 

I have been very upset and hurt by people I thought were my friends, especially this week over something so petty as to not being able to make a flight out of the country. I have felt truly disheartened and negative about myself, not only because I’ve lost a friend, but because I’ve wondered whether I am unwillingly doing something that upsets people, or else so easy to drop, forget and “block” that these people don’t have space for me in their lives. 

I have spent 3 days feeling emotional on all ends of the spectrum about friendships past, present and future. I have felt like I don’t know my own head, can’t trust my own judgement and perhaps overall don’t know the affect that I , myself, have on others that may lead to their reactions to me. 

I need to learn to accept that not everybody lives to the standards I set myself. 

I need to remember that I have worked for years on becoming the person I want to be and to truly believe and focus on the fact that I am a kind, caring and giving friend who would never treat people the way I have been treated myself. 

I need to learn from other people’s actions.

I need to not jump so fast into new friendships and offer up everything I have to people I barely know.

I need to respect that people are all different and do not all behave in the way I expect them to. 

I need to not lose sight of who i am.

I need to be strong and happy and focuses and content in my own life. 

I need to value and cherish the friendships with those people that truly matter. 

I need to forgive and let go.

I need to not get caught up in analysing too hard. 

I need to give myself a break. 

I need to not let the opinions and behaviours of others allow me to feel insecure or change my positive frame of mind.

I need to remember that people do have dark sides and to try my best to avoid any further situations whereby I may come across them. 

I need to not take everything so personally. Not every fall out is a reflection of me as a person. 

And finally I need to remember that at the end of the day, I am not who other people say I am, I am who I want to be, surrounded by wonderful family and faithful friends…just not everyone makes it for the whole journey! 

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20 thoughts on “Friend or foe? 

  1. Hi there. I understand how you feel. Well, I realised friends come and go in our lives. It’s difficult not to able to be dependent on people (friends) at times. But expectations can lead to disappointments. All you have is yourself. Therefore you are your own best friend. I did write a short post about it. Do check it out on my blog.
    https://mysteriousmindofmine.wordpress.com/2015/12/18/i-am-my-own-best-friend/
    Stay strong and carry on. 👍🏼

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have had similar experiences with people over the years. What I have learned is that in every case the people were not good friends the way I believed them to be. That doesn’t mean I was a perfect friend, but if they were unhappy with something I may have done then they could have spoken with me (and I am always someone who is willing to listen even when it may be hard to hear). I too open up to people too fast and people with bad intentions take advantage. My experience has taught me that one or two good friends is far better than many poor ones.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is so true, I do get upset when people don’t communicate their issues. It is difficult to rectify something if you aren’t aware of what you’re doing to upset someone. But the friends that last a lifetime are the ones who would let you know, and who would stand by you. Thank you for sharing.

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  3. First of all, thanks for commenting on my blog. Yes, I agree we should follow each other. I am older than you and I’ve learned a lot about relationships and have written a number of posts about relationships. Check them out if you’d like. Till then, be your own best friend. You sound so much like me . I give way too much in a friendship but I learned something very important . Here’s my barometer for whether to pursue a friendship. I will take the initiative about three times. If nothing is forthcoming then I let it go. Relationships have to be a two-way street. Trust me there are some great people out there and you WILL find them but never abdicate your own self-respect just to make a friend. God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your very kind words and advice. It is so true and so reassuring. I definitely need to remember that I can let go of a friend who doesn’t want to be there, without begging for explanation or another chance. I need to remember that I am enough just as I am. Thank you once again. x

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  4. Hugs dear. As I was reading your post, I felt like I was reading my thoughts. It is hard to face situations like these in the process of getting to know yourself. People change and they move on. Personally, it is hard to digest but that’s life.
    You know what? There are so many out there that you have not met and so many who haven’t had the privilege to know you. There is still a great life out there to live. 🙂

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  5. I completely understand what you’re going through. I’ve been there. But what I always say is, people who turn on you for petty reasons, they aren’t really your friends at all. Because real friends would never do that, no matter what happens. Take care. 🙂

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  6. Wow I can totally relate. Last year I dropped out of A Levels due to missing about 2 months of work for them. I was missing so much partly due to sickness, but mainly because I found out that people who I had been friends with for years hadn’t liked me since at least doing GCSE exams. I found out through one of the only friends I thought I had left, and remained friends with her even though we went to different schools. She then got a new job (after me giving her the boost that she needed to quit the job she hated and get the one she was on the fence about getting) and became a bit of a bitch, introducing me as ‘this is Charlie, she has 3 GCSEs and no friends. I decided then that I didn’t really want to be friends with her, but didn’t tell her that because she was the only friend I really had left. And then one day on the way to the cinema, we stopped past her work and for some reason she decided that she was going to take an extra shift then and there. She had told me earlier in the day that she has A Level revision to do but she felt sorry for me so decided to go out with me… so I don’t understand why she took that shift and has barely spoken to me since. I’ve had no closure and am still not over it, even if she is a druggie and applied for the wrong course at uni.

    Liked by 1 person

    • So sorry to hear that. It seems that people don’t value friendships in the same way that we do, and that’s really sad. Friendships can make life a better place if they are with the right people. Sorry you had to go through all of that. Hopefully we will both be wiser when choosing our friends next time, and also in seeing the signs in our current friends when things start to turn!

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  7. I can really relate to mostly everything you have said in your post. Something I tell myself is not to expect anything from a person and then you can’t/won’t be disappointed. I also think that sometimes you need to let go or you will be dragged down with people who make you doubt yourself. You know who you are. Nobody knows what you think or what is in your heart. It does suck being blocked on FB but in the end that person has done you a favour. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

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    • Thank you so much!! I feel petty for being affected by a block on social media, however in this day and age, that seems to be what finalises the end of a friendship. I do need to keep reminding myself that she wasn’t the friend I thought she was!

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  8. This is so true. Communication is the key and people have to be mature enough to do this and understand this. It’s hard for many though because expression is not easy for some and they struggle with this because everyone’s method of communication is slightly different. Some write, some use body language, some speak, and some use all of the above and some d it very effectively while others are very new to it because it was taboo and just learning how to do it effectively (where it actually gets their point across without frustration). Sometimes this requires patience on the part of all parties but sometimes like I said, it’s an issue of maturity and grace.

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