Over the last few years of my life I’ve had to learn the hard way that not everybody is who you think they are. Not everybody is as kind and giving as you, and not every person will reflect back the kindness you show them.
As a person I think I’m fairly transparent. Obviously my deep and darkest secrets or past memories are for myself only, but as a person, I think I’m easy to read, honest, reliable and will do absolutely anything, I mean really go above and beyond, for any of my friends. I’m really interested in humans and relationships and as a result I love to interact, I love to make friends and I always want people to like me (I’m sure everyone feels this way to a degree).
My approach to creating new friendships is one of pure transparency and willingness.
I believe myself to be a good hearted person who would never intentionally hurt another, a trusting and trustworthy friend, and someone who will always be at the end of the phone.
However, as I find myself in another predicament whereby I have had the ultimate “friend rejection”, the dreaded block from Facebook, I sit here and wonder, is it me?!
A friend who I have known for 5 years and who I considered to be a close friend whom although I didn’t see often, I could always chat to and this month I booked a flight to visit her in Copenhagen. Unfortunately, due to a change in circumstance, I was no longer able to go at this time, and instead of being an understanding friend, I was instead met with the dreaded block on Facebook and no response to my last 7 confused text messages and phone calls trying to understand what had gone wrong. In this situation, whilst it was rather frustrating that I was not able to go to Copenhagen, I don’t believe that warranted the abrupt end to a 5 year friendship based on laughs and trust. I’ve spent days trying to come up with a reasonable explanation in my head and I simply cannot.
This isn’t the first time that a friend had turned on me either.
Last year, in my previous workplace, a group of girls, whom I had become friendly with, began to bully me, put me down and in the end pushed me out of my job. Previously to this again, one friend who I had genuinely thought was like a sister to me, turned on me one day, for no apparent reason, and to the total disbelief of all my other friends and colleagues who knew her. This truly broke my heart.
Now there could be a few things going on here: I could be completely choosing the wrong friends; people could be more odd and unpredictable than I ever gave them credit for; I am incredibly too nice and a pushover, or indeed I am not the person I think I am, and push people away myself, facilitating these odd behaviours.
I do think now that at 23 years of age I have gathered what kind of person I am. And that is not a person who is nasty or who would ever shut out a friend or cut off a friendship without just cause or opportunity for explanation. I judge others on my own virtues, and perhaps this is the mistake I make. Others do not have the same respect and love for friends or cherish friendships as I do.
I have been very upset and hurt by people I thought were my friends, especially this week over something so petty as to not being able to make a flight out of the country. I have felt truly disheartened and negative about myself, not only because I’ve lost a friend, but because I’ve wondered whether I am unwillingly doing something that upsets people, or else so easy to drop, forget and “block” that these people don’t have space for me in their lives.
I have spent 3 days feeling emotional on all ends of the spectrum about friendships past, present and future. I have felt like I don’t know my own head, can’t trust my own judgement and perhaps overall don’t know the affect that I , myself, have on others that may lead to their reactions to me.
I need to learn to accept that not everybody lives to the standards I set myself.
I need to remember that I have worked for years on becoming the person I want to be and to truly believe and focus on the fact that I am a kind, caring and giving friend who would never treat people the way I have been treated myself.
I need to learn from other people’s actions.
I need to not jump so fast into new friendships and offer up everything I have to people I barely know.
I need to respect that people are all different and do not all behave in the way I expect them to.
I need to not lose sight of who i am.
I need to be strong and happy and focuses and content in my own life.
I need to value and cherish the friendships with those people that truly matter.
I need to forgive and let go.
I need to not get caught up in analysing too hard.
I need to give myself a break.
I need to not let the opinions and behaviours of others allow me to feel insecure or change my positive frame of mind.
I need to remember that people do have dark sides and to try my best to avoid any further situations whereby I may come across them.
I need to not take everything so personally. Not every fall out is a reflection of me as a person.
And finally I need to remember that at the end of the day, I am not who other people say I am, I am who I want to be, surrounded by wonderful family and faithful friends…just not everyone makes it for the whole journey!