Letting go of Angry Annie

Before you read this post, it is perhaps a little different than my others. It is a rant, but I hope a coherent one with an important message. It is a plea. It is a polite notice of my thoughts on the world we live in and a truly hopeful attitude that we can change, together, as a society. Thank you.

Throughout my childhood, I have truly been an angry Annie. In fact, I’ve been angry Annie, Adrian and Alice too. I’ve been angry at you, me, him, her, that, this and everything in between.

Why so angry? This is a question with a multi-faceted answer. I was angry about the lack of childhood I had, about the things I couldn’t say that I wanted to, about the things I had to see, about the lack of direction, love and affection from my parents. I was angry about their choices and how they affected me. I was angry that I was suffering and I didn’t know how to help myself and about the things I needed to say but did not have the mental capacity to articulate. I was angry at how angry I was and the way I acted out. I was angry that I wasn’t normal. All of this anger, especially in a young girl, played itself out in many destructive ways. I hit, kicked, swore, was rude, made myself sick, refused to eat, screamed the house down (no, literally, comments from neighbours provide the proof), and was generally a nightmare child. As I grew up then, it turned into self harming and suicidal thoughts. The anger stemmed from living in a household entirely controlled by a vicious and unpredictable alcoholic, that brought about my total lack of control of my emotions, thoughts and feelings and turned me into a lost little girl. Despite this, I am so lucky that my anger didn’t make me act out in more destructive ways – no drugs, no major alcohol problems etc.

One of the more recent counsellors I saw told me that she could see the anger surrounding my aura and to this day I am still quick to anger, and have an extremely forceful temper when pushed. She taught me to scream when I needed to scream, to draw what I was feeling, without the need to rationalise it or make sense of it, draw exactly what I felt or the colours I saw, and even performed an exercise where I punched a pillow with all my might and just let it all go. I continue to use these methods to help to control my anger, as well as deep breaths, talking myself down, relaxation techniques, and trying to keep myself from situations and people who potentially may spark my anger.  It really is time to let go of Angry Annie. She is not helpful. She is spiteful and hot headed and says things in the heat of the moment that I don’t actually intend to say, and in the most part things that aren’t even true.

Anger can come in many different forms. However…I’m lucky that my anger didn’t damage or harm anyone else. My anger didn’t kill anyone, nor would it ever. My anger was tiny on the grand scale of things. My anger was internal and minute. My anger didn’t put anyone in hospital, nor would it have. I’m not that kind of person, despite my anger, I was always in control. I would prefer to hurt myself than another human being or animal…

However, what all I see in the world now is more than a colony of Angry Annie’s, more than people who have had a hard time and are having a hard time coping with it, but instead, a civilisation that is turning evil – Each new news article I see, I get more angry at the state of the world we live in, and the kind of people I share this planet with. I am currently feeling ashamed to be a human being, and share the species title with the evil individuals that reside on this planet. Everything I read about disgusts me…An innocent soldier, a friend of a friend, was beaten to death in a town 20 minutes down the road from my home, for no reason, by two people who did not know him. Animals being raped by humans, dogs being burnt with chemicals or set on fire. ISIS torturing innocents. Mothers murdering their babies. Teachers abusing their pupils. The abduction of children. The sex trade. The list is truly, and sadly, endless.

The whole world seems to be angry. Angry enough to intentionally hurt, physically or mentally, another life on this planet. I can’t believe I ever worried about my anger…my anger that only ever escalated into an argument. My anger that never hurt a fly. My anger that was contained within me and more often than not just came out as tears. This world isn’t full of just simple anger, this is evil. Pure evil. This is not a race I want to be associated with. This is not a part of history I want to be involved in. I cannot bare what anger does to people, and what acting out this anger means they will do, and not bat an eyelid.

This is where I beg…I beg you, if you have anger issues, seek help, seek guidance and don’t let it become you. Anger is powerful and it can take over you. If you have children who you observe to be angry or resentful, or whom you believe capable of aggressive behaviour, get them help, get advice, and ensure that they don’t become the faces you see on the news. Make them put down these aggressive, fighting games for the PC or the PlayStation. Don’t feed their fragile brains.

We only get one life, and anger hurts both us, and others. I’m sick of seeing others act out their anger in cruel and barbaric ways. We need to stop this. We need to get in control of anger at it’s root, before it has the chance to spark. We need to rely on the help of counsellors and therapists to ensure that our world is a kind, honest and respectful place, full of humans that we are proud of, working towards making a history that is steeped in success, and a legacy for the next generation. There needs to be lessons within schools teaching young children how to deal with their emotions and the hardships of life. There needs to be accessible government information and funding for help for these children. There needs to be policies in place that help those who could one day turn into the culprit of a heinous crime, one that we all turn our noses up at, and one that will be shunned from society. Why not help these people before they get the chance? Why not stop the angry thoughts that turn into cruelty? Why not just teach to be kind just to be kind? Why not teach them make someone’s day? Why not teach them to rescue an animal? Why not teach them to be gentle, and sensitive and patient? These are the qualities that make an honourable person. These are the qualities we need in our society.

Most importantly, why not address anger, and eradicate it before it stems into something bigger. Angry Annie’s can be controlled, but a world of angry evil humans cannot.

This has to stop. It just has to.

Rant over.


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