Meet my new best friend, doubt 

Doubt:

1. a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction.

“some doubt has been cast upon the authenticity of this account”

synonyms: uncertainty, lack of certainty, unsureness, indecision, hesitation, hesitancy, dubiousness, suspicion, confusion; More

verb

1.feel uncertain about.

“I doubt my ability to do the job”

Ohh, doubt. She’s been making a big appearance in my life recently. She seems to follow me around every corner, and rear her ugly head when I really don’t need to be enforced to feel her wrath! 

As you will probably know from one experience or another in your life, doubt is most certainly rarely a friend. (I say rarely as one would suggest if you have reasonable doubt about a person, for example doubting their honestly, or credability, then sometimes doubt can help us avoid the wrong people from the wrong walks of life). In general though, doubt can linger around like a bad smell, and even cast a shadow over the best things in your life, ability, likes and dislikes and even your deepest dreams and desires. 

In the last few weeks, in the run up to the beginning of my veterinary nursing course, which coincidentally started today, I have been doubting everything: can I do this? Do I want to do this? Will I be any good? Is the course for me? Am I emotionally and physically strong enough? Is the course going to be intellectually challenging enough for me? Am I ok with the fact I’m never going to earn a fortune in this job? 

The constant questioning and uncertainty within my own mind about something that I know is destined for me, has been really quite unsettling. Previous to these thoughts, I’d been so set on my goal, and happy that I’d finally found a career that spoke to my heart. So why then, does doubt attempt to ruin it? I’ll tell you why, because anxiety and doubt are the best of friends. Anxiety has fuelled and fed my doubt, as in this case. 

As you can imagine then, going to college today was a nerve wracking experience for me, not only because it was all new, but also because I was panicking about whether I am doing the right thing. 

Ice breakers and paperwork snore-fest aside, I know in my heart this course is right for me, right now in this space in my life. Nobody says it has to be forever. There is always time to do something else if I should so choose. I need to learn to calm down and just let it be – to stop thinking too much into whether things are right or wrong, and just allow life to run its course! 

Never let doubt ruin or corrupt your dreams or ideas of what you want in your life. It’s fictional, and is fuelled by anxiety. It is unnecessary. Never doubt your own ability. You can do anything you set your mind to. Doubt…I don’t need you. If anything in life turns out to be wrong for me, I can always just change my path. 

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