The blues

Since my “5 ways…” posts, I feel I’ve gone a little quiet – both virally and personally. I’ve been ill again, ended up in the out of hours doctors, picked up another infection and possibly now a virus. So, I have the blues. 

I have been trying to hard to ensure that my physical condition doesn’t affect my mental state and my mood, however as I move into my fourth week of feeling lethargic, unwell, sick, dizzy, achy and general under the weather, I can safely say I’ve had my fill! 

I’m missing out on things. I’m bored of staring at the same four walls, but not quite well enough to go out and live my life as normal. My energy levels fall very quickly, and the pain I am in makes me angry at myself, frustrated and irritable. 

I’m not a person who does well just sat constantly doing nothing. At first, I enjoyed a bit of me time, watching back to back Pretty Little Liars, and eating biscuits. Now however, I’ve had enough. I don’t feel like me. At all. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything that makes me me, anything that I enjoy, I feel frumpy and horrible and lacking in self confidence as a result. I want to leave the house but I don’t want to be seen like this. Catch 22 anyone? 

My life is a constant time warp between when I need to take my medications and when I feel like I need to take them…which is always!

I’m trying very hard to keep my mood high, by catching up with friends on the phone or just inviting them round to see me, taking the dog on short walks, eating nice foods, watching TV, sitting in the sun etc. I’ve tried to remind myself that four weeks post laparoscopy I should be proud of how far I’ve come.

I need to allow myself more time to heal, as that is what my body is asking for. Turns out I’m just not so good at listening! 


4 thoughts on “The blues

  1. Sorry to hear you’re suffering. Sometimes life is just miserable! It sounds like you’re doing all you can for yourself while you wait it out, and I encourage you to keep it up, and to be as patient as you can.

    Have you read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire? Mad-Eye Moody barks “CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!” at his Defence Against the Dark Arts students. In a much less noisy, much gentler way, I counsel “Compassion!” (I mean compassion for yourself, of course. But “Compassion for yourself!” doesn’t pack the same punch — too many syllables, I guess … : ^) )

    Like spearfruit, I trust that you’ll roll out of this in time, and I look forward to seeing you back on your metaphorical feet.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love Harry Potter!! So you’ve made me smile πŸ™‚ thank you for your well wishes! It’s hard to be patient sometimes, but I know I need to give my body the rest it needs. I hope you are well πŸ™‚ x


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