No longer holding back

Yesterday, I took a leap into the life of my dreams, and into living exactly how I want to. Yesterday, I booked a trip of a lifetime to the Elephant Nature Park in Chiang Mai, Thailand.  This project allows it’s volunteers to work closely with elephants rescued from the tourist trade, from poachers and misery. Furthermore, the park shares it’s land with rescue dogs, who have been saved from the illegal dog meat trade, rescued from tsunamis and natural disasters, and taken off the streets where they would be at risk. The project provides a happy home for both dogs and elephants, and allows them to receive the love and care they truly deserve in this life. What could be more perfect for me?

  
If you’ve read my blog before you’ll know two things about me:

  1. I’ve lived a pretty sheltered, shitty life led by depression, anxiety and eating disorders
  2. I am a trainee vet nurse and animals are my passion

So you will know then, that this trip both pushes the boundaries of my comfort zone, and for all that I thought I would ever achieve, as well as meets my love and my dream of taking care of animals that need me.

I can bathe with elephants, feed them, walk with them and love them. I can walk the dogs, groom them, feed them, socialise them and train them.

Am I finally getting something right? This is me, right? This dream? This, from someone who was once afraid to walk out of her front door in fear of what she might face. This, from someone who has been so crippled with anxiety for the entirety of her life that she has missed out on countless holiday opportunities, social occasions and let her dreams take a back seat in fear of fear itself, and of the unknown. This from the girl who wanted to end her life. This from the girl who saw no way out of living in pure misery. Oh how far she has come!

I’ll tell you something, if it wasn’t happening, I just wouldn’t believe it. I wouldn’t believe the change, how far i have come, and how happiness feels.

I feel genuine excitement. Like unadulterated excitement that is flowing through my veins. I feel happy. I feel lucky. And I feel like now is my time. No more holding back. The time to chase my dreams and make my life what I want is now. And the thing is, it’s no longer just a dream, it’s my reality. And this is exactly what I want all of my dreams to end up being. We only live once after all. Definitely, definitely, no more holding back!

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4 thoughts on “No longer holding back

  1. That sounds like an excellent adventure! I am sure you’re going to have a great time! I can’t wait to see pictures! 🙂 My niece visited Thailand briefly on a school trip and loved it! I am sure you will too!

    Liked by 1 person

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