Impromptu changes

Due to having my operation tomorrow, and with plans to leave my current job at the NHS in September to pursue my veterinary nursing career, I had planned to have 1-2 weeks off work to recover, and then work my notice period until my course began. Today however, my path has been changed by an unforeseen fork in the road. 

I went into my current job today, and handed in my notice whilst discussing the fears for the operation in an informal chat. It was put to me that I could leave the job, today, fully paid, until my course begins. Sound too good to be true? It sounds good, but it is true – Probably due to the fact that I’ve been a pain in the proverbials as an employee since my arrival. I have kicked up a fuss, stood up for myself and others, had a lot of absences, argued with bullies in the workplace…gosh I sound like a treat! 

6 weeks off is amazing. It’s rare. It’s lucky. But I feel odd. I don’t feel happy. So why do I feel down about having 6 weeks fully paid rest bite? I’ve had a think, and this is what I came up with…

  • The anxiety about my impending operation tomorrow is all consuming. I can only feel that. I am a bundle of anxious energy, as can be expected when the thought of an anaesthetic in the morning is at the forefront of my conscious. 
  • Change. Us humans don’t like change do we?! Which is ironic seeing as everything changes every day really: the weather, the time, our skin, our age, our experiences, our knowledge, alongside the bigger things that change too. Change is one of the only things we can guarantee will happen in our lives. I think I’m feeling slightly unsettled at the thought of this not being the plan I had in my head. The plan has changed, and whilst yes this new plan is better, I’m a woman who likes a plan. I think the sudden nature of my change in direction has made me panic a little. 
  • I question if the path I have chosen is the right one. Should I be leaving a stable, well paid job to become a student? But then I nip that thought in the bud. I was born to be a vet nurse. And I will be. 
  • I feel a bit sad. Why? I bloody hated that job. It’s funny that when things are no longer in our lives we miss them, when all we did when we had them was whinge that we wanted them gone. Don’t get me wrong I did hate the place, I thought it was corrupt, miserable and badly led, however I made some good friends whom I know will be lifelong, learned a lot about myself, trained in a new area that I can always go back to in later life, gained experience and have been through things which shall only make me stronger. And I guess I’m sad that I’m leaving the good behind. 
  • I guess I also feel a little cheated out of a last day, a bunch of cards and presents and a proper send off. A quick goodbye in the middle of the day kind of says under valued. I guess for a 10 month stint, and for being a right royal pain in the arse, I can’t argue. And I get 6 weeks paid leave – which I must remind myself is better than a cheap box of chocolates and a card signed by people i won’t see again. 
  • Undeserving of the rest. All I’ve done is be a pain and be off sick, why do I deserve the break? But really, I do deserve a break. I need rest after my operation but also rest before 3 years of intensive learning to attain my goals. And that is vital to me. I never allow myself chance to just relax, I feel guilty as if there is something else I should be doing. I need to learn that doing nothing is something, and resting and relaxing is good for me, and I do deserve it. I work hard in 3 jobs and I deserve it! 

It’s funny though. I’m experiencing feelings I didn’t realise I would have through leaving a job I never enjoyed. 

Alas, this chapter has closed.
Hello summer of relaxation, re cooperation, fun, exploring and being happy. That starts right now, lying in the garden whilst my favourite dog in the world places her ball at my feet waiting for me to play with her. Bliss. 

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5 thoughts on “Impromptu changes

  1. Congratulations on your unanticipated break! I can see why your mixed feelings would be confusing; I’m glad you’re willing to let them be what they are, and carry on with what you know is your path. Once you get used to the change of immediate plans, I bet the goodness of it will shine brighter.

    I wish you serenity as you face your surgery tomorrow. May it go perfectly, and leave you better than ever. : ^)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So very strange. I’ve been considering leaving my stable and secure job in finance t o persue a career I feel passionately about… veterinary nursing. I’m not brave enough right now.

    Change is always difficult, it’s like breaking up from a bad relationship. It was horrific at the time, but it doesn’t mean there won’t be factors you don’t miss.

    I wish you all the luck in the world with both your surgery tomorrow, and the pursuit of your passion and dream!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow!! What a coincidence!! If I could give you one piece of advice…DO IT! The absolute joy I get from being at the vets is something I never thought I would be able to have in my life. The gratification you feel when an animal you put so much time into walks out of the doors happy is just so wonderful. There’s never going to be a right time, but the only time we have is now, and I’m so happy I’ve made the sacrifice because it’s made my life all the better. If you need any advice or anything I’m always here to talk. I’ve been volunteering alongside my NHS job since January, and now work paid hours as well before my course starts in September. If you’re not ready to leave your job, volunteering gives you a great insight!
      Thank you so much for your kind words 🙂 x

      Like

      • Thank you so much for your reply!
        I have started looking at volunteering opportunities and very entry level, no experience needed kind of jobs in vets. I always wanted to work with animals, but as a teenager the thought of all that additional time at school put me off. I’m now working in the financial industry, and although I love the people I work with, I hate the job and get paid terribly for it! Money was, but shouldn’t be the main motivator, and especially with how unhappy I am in my current job I would be so happy doing something hands on and rewarding for less than I make now.

        Thank you so much, you’ve given me hope that it could be viable for me! 🙂 x

        Like

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