The thing with dreams is, that they happen when when we’re sleeping, fictional figures of our deepest subconscious. Dreams can turn into nightmares. And that’s exactly what my dreams, aspiration and aim wise, became. They became nightmares that taunted me. Like dangling a carrot at unreachable length in front of a donkey, my dreams were inaccessible to me. They’ve always been unreachable; a fictional parallel that I never truly believed would become my reality.
Dreams to me meant moving towards something, aiming towards a bigger picture. This felt like a concrete plan, something to worry about a fret over, and this felt scary. Dreams aren’t meant to be scary! Having a length of time to think about a dream made me panic, consider the worst, think of the worst outcomes, and force myself into a panic fuelled frenzy. This is why I gave up on what I truly wanted, because it scared me. The time I had to plan was the time I had to chicken out.
Time however, is exactly what these days I see as my friend. Time is a healer, the old cliché! Nowadays, I see my dreams as exciting, and something to look forward to. I can make plans that don’t scare me anymore, and I can plan to my hearts content, feeling I’m truly getting somewhere in my life. My dreams are now in sight.
How have I done this? I’m not really even too sure. I’ve grown, and I’ve changed. I’m evolving…Darwin would have a field day! I have aligned what I really want out of life, what I want to be and do and experience, and I seem to be able to pave a way to achieve it. I can actually feel what it feels like to be excited, whereas my empty shell of the past only allowed me to be exactly that: empty. I am genuinely gravitating towards excitement and change and I’m here, embracing it.
Some of the dreams I’m working towards? More travelling and seeing the world, completing my vet nursing degree in order to work with my favourite souls in the entire universe and wider, to help animals across the globe, and to start a family. It won’t all happen overnight, it takes planning, and it takes hard work. But that doesn’t scare me anymore. I’m open to the prospect of happiness and fulfilment, and it feels amazing.
Of course it wouldn’t have been achievable to have grown into believing I can live out my wildest dreams without the support of the people around me, and I do have wonderful people around me. Despite this, it has been a solo journey for me, and I’ve done a lot of this growth alone. For someone who never believed I was strong enough to achieve anything, or to change, I am so proud of myself for working towards my goals, a better me, and living a fulfilled and content life.
How unlike me? No. Not anymore! How unlike my old self yes, but how like my new self, who has obtainable dreams and reaches for them!