I’m 22 years of age and I’m dealing with work place bullies.
Can you believe it? I thought I was too old for this! I’m actually embarrassed to be writing a post regarding a situation I thought I was too mature to be involved in. The fact is, bullying unfortunately goes on wherever you are, and however old you are. And I hate it.
When did growing up and maturing become obsolete? When did just being nice to people get boring? When did making people feel down and upset become an achievement? I question why humanity thinks these behaviours are acceptable.
In case you couldn’t tell, I have had enough of people today, in particularly those so called “friends” who are the first to twist a blade into your back the minute you turn around. I have been laughed at, taunted, mocked, pointed at, ridiculed, subjected to listening to bitching about my closest friends and been beaten further down in confidence each day I have been at work for the last few months. Without even realising, these “friends” have made me lose a grasp on who I am. I don’t usually allow this behaviour. And I’ve overlooked it for an easy life. This is not ok. You cannot and must not over look bullying. Today was taken to an entirely different level, reaching a new low, and I have reached breaking point with my patience for these absolute fools. What is worse? These are people I have invited in to my home, booked a holiday with (which I have now cancelled…the reason for today’s drama) and would have done anything to help, as I do with all my friends. The thing is, some people are poison through and through, and it may have taken a while for me to see it, I am no longer accepting this behaviour.
I don’t profess to be perfect. Neither do I expect anyone to believe that a nasty comment has never passed my lips.I hold my hands up and say I have been swayed by the opinions of others, and perhaps have made comments that are unnecessary. We all have. However, I know that my soul is good. How do I know this? I know I would never seek to upset anyone. I would never purposely insult anyone. I would never laugh in the face of another person. I don’t find it acceptable to make people feel small. I don’t feel as if I am better than anyone else. I am most comfortable when getting on with people, learning from them, and sharing laughter.
The thing is, nobody really ever knows the truth of what another is battling in their lives. We don’t know which of our comments is going to push them over the edge. We don’t know if they have got a mental illness, or if they have lost someone, or if they are struggling with something. We should always be kind. I know how being kind can make someone’s day, and I know how being nasty can ruin someone’s week. We all know that we tend to over focus on the negative and bypass the positive, and the compliments we receive.
I also know what it is not acceptable to let people get away with in their treatment of you:
- Do not let someone make you feel victimised or bullied
- Do not let someone ruin your day
- Do not let someones comments about you change what you know you are
- Do not let anyone taunt or goad you
- Don’t let someone continually put down others in your presence
- Don’t get sucked in to their behaviours
- Don’t let your fear of their bullying allow you to agree with their opinions
- Do not let someone drag you down, don’t sink to their level
- Do not let someone make you feel uncomfortable in a shared space
It is easier said than done to rise above the behaviour of people who are intrinsically nasty, and it is fair to say that today I did lose my temper slightly. I do however, believe that trying to take on somebody who is insistent on creating an issue, and pressing for a reaction, is a waste of time. Previously, I have felt that I need everyone to like me and that I must explain myself and justify my decisions to others. Now, I realise that as long as how I live my life is kind, and is in line with my morals and I make choices that are right for me, then nobody else should question that.
I don’t believe that it is someone else’s right to question my motives, or to attack me when I am at my most vulnerable. I don’t believe I should have to put up with being talked about and laughed at within hearing distance. Nobody should have to deal with that. Nobody should allow that.
I am so proud of myself for the way I conducted myself when faced with a bully who was verbally attacking me and waiting for a reaction. The thing is, I am quick to anger. With everything that has happened in my past I do have a lot of bottled, repressed rage that can be unleashed at choice moments. And sometimes I rise to it, but today, I kept my cool as much as possible. These people don’t deserve my reactions. I’ve had people do this before. But actually, these are the people I pity the most. These are the insecure people who are unhappy with their own lives. These are the people who need to create drama to give their lives meaning. These are the people who are evil to the core, and who choose bad over good, because sometimes it is a choice. I do not believe that any person can sit and watch the way their reactions hurt another, entirely unprovoked, and do not choose to continue to make them feel this way.
Previously, I have flown off the handle at bullies. I can ‘lose my head’ quicker than the speed of light…and it’s very difficult to find it again! This never got me anywhere. It in fact gave the bullies the reaction they were looking for. So I shall sit back and smile, and not give these ones the reaction that they want.
My advice to those who are dealing with similar negative people in their lives? Unfortunately, no matter our age, we will always come across those who use negativity towards others to make themselves feel better. What is important to remember is that their opinions of you do not define who you are. You can never please all of the people, all of the time. Small minded comments come from small minded people and although the natural reaction is to fight back, the worst thing for a bully is when they get nowhere. Try not to react, try to talk to someone (as I, and other colleagues, did today by making a formal complaint) and try to remember that you are above that. Stay true to who you are, and being nice to people will always get you further than being nasty will. You don’t need “friends” who aren’t supportive, loyal and true. Forgive people, but never forget – it feels so good to not hold a grudge, and not too hate, and even better to feel nothing towards these people at all!
I cannot wait for a world where the majority of people are kind, and thoughtful. I cannot wait to read a newspaper and not to hear stories of animal cruelty, terrorism and murder. I long for the day that people realise the best way to enjoy life is to just go about your own business, and to show love, kindness, compassion, patience and understanding. Until then, I will always hold a disappointment in my heart for humanity.