I find myself constantly needing the reassurance and acceptance of other people. I need them to support my decisions. I need them to validate what I already know is right for me. For example, if I feel too ill to go to work, or to go to something I have arranged, I feel the need to justify my actions out loud to my parents, friends or siblings, waiting for them to say it is ok.
I wait to hear that I am doing the right thing.
Why is this? Perhaps I need validation because I didn’t get much as a child. Perhaps because I’m not owning the fact that I am an adult now and can make decisions without the need for anyone else’s input. But mostly, I feel that is due to the lack of trust I have in myself. I worry far too much about whether the outcome of my decision is right or wrong, and maybe feeling that I am supported takes some of the onus off of myself.
I must now recognise that I am in fact a capable adult, who has made mistakes yes, but generally I do know the best decision and best path for myself. I can take care of myself. I have my own back. I can judge when something feels wrong for me, and when something feels right. I need to put more trust in myself, knowing that whether it is right or wrong, those who love me will support me anyway. And if I’m wrong, I’ll just learn and do better next time!