Everyone around me today has been singing the praises of restaurants they went to at the weekend, and of the amazing foods they had. They’ve been laughing about experiences with their friends, places they’ve been to eat, and what they have and haven’t liked.
For me, it’s been a bit torturous.
What I wouldn’t give to be able to live as they do. I love food, and I love being with my friends. And to combine the two and be able to go out and try different restaurants, different menus, maybe try a new wine, would be a dream.
The fact that miss out on experiences that I want to have is heartbreaking. All the more so because these are “normal” experiences that “normal” people think nothing of doing. It is an everyday occurrence to go for dinner, or lunch somewhere. And it isn’t normal for me. It brings up anxious feelings. It makes me feel sick with nerves. It brings on panic attacks. And yet it’s only myself getting in the way of me getting over this tiny hurdle. Why do I prevent myself from doing the things I want to do? Why can’t I seem to stop? Why can’t I change?
One day, I will sit opposite someone at a restaurant, cafe or diner, and enjoy my food, the company and the surroundings, knowing I am safe and I am ok. I will feel comfortable and content. And I will enjoy myself.