A letter from myself now, to my future self

To the me 10 years from now,

I hope you are well and all of that cliche shit that people write to open a letter, when what they really want to do is crack on with what they want to say. I do though, have hopes for you.

I hope you have found happiness – I hope your life is how I want it to be. I know you wanted to be a Vet Nurse, and do your degree as you really deserved to push yourself and your brain into further education.  You’re intelligent you know.  I know you also doubted whether a degree in that profession would lead you to earning the money you want to have your home with land for animals and a rescue centre, and have your family.  I really hope you figured this out, and stopped stressing so much about how much you could control. I bet those added stresses only added to the wrinkles and seem less important now!

I hope you’re doing something you love, whether in work or at home, and I sincerely hope that’s with animals.  If it is not, remember your love for them.  Remember how at home you feel helping animals and giving them a voice. Remember how it makes you happy.  Remember how much you gain from being in their presence and giving them your care.  Never forget that that is who you truly are, and never let anyone steer you in a different direction.

I hope you are kind, honourable and honest.  Honesty is important to me.  I hope you stand up for what you believe in and stick to it.  I hope you keep your morals and beliefs and fight for what is right.  I hope you treat people how you want to be treated.

I hope you have your children.  And I hope you love them unconditionally, irrevocably and painfully.  I hope they wake you up in the morning by bouncing on your bed and then snuggle in with you to keep warm.  I hope you play with them, laugh with them, teach them and nurture them.  I hope you hold them when they cry and listen to them.  Remember how much you wanted to be listened to.  I really hope you see in them all the potential in the world, and nurture them to believe this too. Watch them grow and don’t miss a moment. When they are too noisy or too naughty or you just wish for a moment of quiet, remember how much you wanted them, and how worried you were that it wouldn’t be an option for you.  Remember that, feel it as a real feeling, and then give your babies a big squeeze and kiss from me. Share their memories and be their confidant. I hope they are your proudest achievement, and continue to make you proud for the rest of your days.  I can’t wait to meet them!

I hope you kept fighting and never gave up on creating the life you want.  I hope you realised how far you had come and continued to grow positively, creating the positivity you deserve and the life you have always wanted.

I hope you forgave Mum and Dad and I hope you are kind to them.  They made mistakes sure, but they’re human just like you and I.  We’ve made mistakes, more than anyone else knows.  And I hope you’ve forgiven yourself too. We can only do what we do with the knowledge that we have, and when we know better, we do better. I hope you hug them often, and tell them how thankful you are for everything they have done.  I hope you tell them you forgive them, the time for punishing them is over. I hope you apologise for the pain you caused, and let them know you’re not the person you were.

I hope you travelled. Now I know you’ll never be a backpacker, but I hope you’ve seen the world through your eyes, in your way.  The bubble you used to be in was comfortable yes, but dangerously suffocating, and to really break it you really needed to have explored our world.  I hope you showed kindness and generosity to those who needed it and were less fortunate than you. I hope you helped animals on conservation sites in Africa and Thailand. I hope you ate traditional curries and explored Italy eating pasta and pizza and singing “That’s amore”.  I hope you walked up mountains and challenged yourself physically and mentally.

I hope you are loved. I hope you are loved by someone who understands you, mentally, physically and spiritually. I hope you are loved by someone with whom silence is not awkward, with shared interests, who worships the ground you work on, and who makes you smile everyday. I hope that you find it difficult to explain how deep your love is, and I hope it is rock solid through all of life’s trials.  I hope it builds you up, strengthens you and makes you feel invincible.  I hope it supports your dreams and pushes you to achieve them.  I hope it is all you ever dreamed of.  And never believe that its not exactly what you deserve, with no holds barred.

I hope you allow yourself to cry, without feeling weak.

I hope you can eat. I hope you enjoy your food without restriction, whenever and wherever you want to, however much you want to.  I hope you are not a prisoner to conformity and social acceptance and do not feel you have to look or behave a certain way around food and exercise. You know your body and you know what is right for it and don’t doubt that. Seriously, eat eat eat, never forget that it’s a passion of yours! Oh how I hope you haven’t grown into a fussy eater! And carry on what I’ve started in only eating meat that comes from animals that live in good conditions and are killed humanely…remember how good that made you feel.

I hope you laugh. Everyday. Without fail. You love to laugh. Not the laugh you let everyone hear, but the laugh you reserve for when something is really really funny.  The laugh that comes from your belly and that can be heard from 2 rooms down the corridor.  The laugh that makes your stomach hurt and your cheeks ache and makes everyone else laugh.  I love that laugh, I hope it’s a regular thing.

I hope you’re surrounded by people that lift you up, promote your wellbeing, that you can share with, open up to and that support you in every decision.  I hope you give your friends and family the same back, and surround yourself with love and light.

I hope you say yes more. And if you don’t do it now! Nothing good ever came from saying no all the time, I can vouch for that. No memories, no fun and no way of life! We’re better than that, and remember that new doors are opened by saying yes.

I hope you found peace in the silence. And I truly hope you quietened those voices.  They never served me well but boy did they distract from what was good. If you slipped into believing them, don’t feel ashamed, they’re pretty persistent. But remember that you are persistent too. Shout louder than them!

I hope you aren’t so angry anymore. It’s exhausting being the bulldog chewing a wasp all the time.  I hope you’ve let go of your resentment and rage. The rage I carry drags me down and keeps me stuck in a pattern of behaviours that do not serve me.  I hope you have let go of that and have forgiven yourself and others. I hope you’re not so quick to bite, and that you can hold your tongue when necessary…remember you’re all mouth and no trousers! I hope you now understand that not everyone is out to get you, most people are kind, and those who aren’t are fighting their own battles that we need not understand. Look at the world with new eyes and not with projections of anger, as it will only show you what you think you will see.

I hope you’ve forgiven yourself and I hope you’re proud of yourself.  And I hope, at the end of this life, you’ll smile at the memories you made, and feel no regret.

I will keep going, and building the foundations for all that you can and will be.

I love you,

Love me, now.

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4 thoughts on “A letter from myself now, to my future self

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