Deservability

When suffering with depression, one of the main reasons that one may not seek help, or that one feels so low, is that they don’t feel that they deserve to be happy.  The self loathing and lack of self-esteem leads to a lack of belief that we deserve to be happy, healthy or to even live at all.

This is a normal feeling during the battle of depression, and perhaps one of the most difficult things to address.  How do you tell yourself that you are worthy and deserving?

I once saw a counsellor who made me sit in front of a mirror and declare my love for myself, stating that I was deserving and worthy of all the world has to give.  It felt wrong.  It certainly didn’t feel true to myself.  And no matter how many times I said it, it didn’t sink in, and I couldn’t look myself in the eye. It sounded big headed, egotistical and very unlike me.  I am not a self-absorbed person, but I could not see that to love yourself is not to have an ego at all, it is to simply accept that you are no less than anyone else around you, and you are worthy of anything anyone else has.

I have struggled to get this to sink in, until I heard something that brought a tear to my eye.

Is there ever a baby born into this world who is not worthy and deserving? And is there ever a baby born into this world who is not loveable and deserving of love?

When I heard this ideology, I really pictured myself as a new born baby, and looked at myself as I saw myself then.  I thought I was undeserving, unloveable and not worthy of health and happiness. But yet I could not project that on to the picture of myself as a baby.

It is important to remember that we are still that person…we are still that new born baby.  And therefore we of course deserve to be loved, and deserve to have all the good in the world.

Honestly, since hearing these words, I have developed a new love for myself.  Not egotistical and certainly not self-centred.  Just a love that means I respect and allow myself to receive love, as well as opportunities for health and happiness.

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