So here it is. The obligatory new year: new me post, in which we all conjure up unrealistic goals for ourselves to be better, more well-rounded people, be kinder, hit the gym, save money etc, that by January the 10th are already going down hill.
Here come the yearly cries of “you don’t need a new year to make a change” and “you’ll never stick to that”.
I’m not usually one for New Years resolutions, I do generally use the odd Monday here to begin a diet (that never even takes itself past lunchtime), or to decide I need to exercise more (after a few paces up the stairs doubled over and out of breath that idea is over). But this year, I am embracing the concept.
With a new year, comes no more of a clean slate than a new hour, a new minute, or a new second. A year is simply just a bigger milestone. We see a new year as a fresh start. Instead of quibbling over why, I’m going to use it.
Of course, my plan was not to include the obligatory resolutions such as to lose weight, exercise more, and eat right. However, inevitably, as I look at the mountainous pile of chocolate that has surfaced in my flat over the festive period, I do recognise these to be personal aims that I do want to achieve. But they don’t take precedence on my list.
My current New Years resolutions list:
1. Continue as I am. I have grown so much over the past year, and conquered many fears and anxieties and am finally seeing a vast improvement which I never thought was possible. Whilst acknowledging this, I know that the journey to recovery is a life long one, and that I must continue to develop new techniques to keep myself from my dark places and my down periods, and to keep myself being positive. I must also continue to push myself, come up with new coping strategies and ways to challenge and calm my anxieties. I want to continue to create the person I want to be.
2. Say yes to more things. I always say no, make excuses or back out of experiences at the last minute. This is all based around fear. I really want to work on saying yes to things which excite me, and being more open and receptive to opportunities, no matter how small. Life passes by so quickly, and ive spent too long sat on the sidelines watching others live it.
3. Be more loving. My anxieties and depression make me susceptible to dark moods and irritability towards the ones I love the most. I want to stop this. I need to learn to take a deep breath and evaluate a situation before acting out of anger or anxiety. Those who love me deserve the best of me, and I deserve the best of me.
4. Go on holiday. I have always had a lot of anxieties surrounding holidays, as anyone with depression and anxiety will understand. It is out of the comfortable, safe zone and can seem the least relaxing experience when your anxiety antenna are up. This year, I want to holiday. With family, with my partner, or with my friends. I want to relax, laugh, and learn. I want to speak some of the country’s language, learn about the culture, and broaden my understanding of the world. Which leads me perfectly to my next resolution…
5. Learn. I want to read more classic novels, books that I wouldn’t usually pick up, go on short courses just for the interest, read internet articles, look up words in a dictionary, research topics of interest and have meaningful conversation. Life is for learning, and my purpose on this earth is to drink up as much knowledge as possible!
6. Explore my home more. I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world and I don’t know it nearly enough. I want to find hidden coves, secret restaurants and picturesque walks.
7. Live for me, and nobody else. For far too long, as I think many struggling teens and early twen-teens do, I have tried to impress other people, put their feelings before my own, and worried far too much about what they think. No longer. In 2015, I wish to live for me, as that is the most important thing, and life is too short for anything else.
I’m sure that as the year progresses, I will deviate from this plan, go a little off course, add some more resolutions and maybe even change plans completely, who knows! But the celebration is in the trying. That is what life is for.
To try, to travel the journey and whether we fail or we succeed, there are lessons to be learnt and obstacles to be overcome at every opportunity.
I am going to seize my opportunity to be the best me I have been to date. I shall walk into the new year with no fear, no shame and forget my past mistakes. And no, not because the world is doing the same, but because I’m saying, for me, I want change. I want change, and I’m ready to implement it.
2015…I hope you’re ready for me.