Proud

Today I defeated my demons, pulled some strength from within and shocked myself.
I began my new job within the NHS today, within the referral management service. To me, this is the most responsibility I’ve had in a job, one of the most challenging and most professional.
I have known for a while that my start date would be today, and my anxiety levels have been high. For the past week I have not been sleeping, not eating as much and have been full of anxiety, having panic attacks at the most mundane of tasks. This is all because my subconscious could not forget that I was waiting for a big change in my life, a new challenge, something different and an environment and people that are all new. So, suffice to say, I was worried about how my first day would go in terms of nerves, and whether I could get through it all. The fear of fear itself and that impending voice of doom in my head seemed to be directing me to the fact that I would really struggle!

However…

I managed it!! Not only did I manage it, but I didn’t have a panic attack, I walked in there confident and eager, and proved to myself that I can conquer my fears and attack anything head on!

If I can do it, honestly you can too! If me, the girl who struggles with getting up in the morning, who has cold sweats at mundane tasks such as going to the post office, who spoils nice days out with panic attacks, whose voice in my head is louder than my actual voice, and who fears eating in public in the irrational and very rare chance that I may be sick or have a panic attack. Yes, if I can walk into a professional office run by the country’s biggest and most prestigious government company, then you can achieve anything.
So what do you want to achieve? Apply for that new job, stand up for yourself, be honest with others, do something out of your comfort zone. I’ve really realised today that we, ourselves, are our own worst enemy and the only reason why we feel held back is due to our lack of self belief. It’s so important to believe in yourself, as after all, in the end you only really have yourself! You can do anything!
And therefore, so can I. I need to stop putting limits on my abilities and every time I am anxious, instead of feeling such paralysing fear, being unable to control every irrational thought, and suffering panic attacks, I must remind myself all I have achieved, all I can achieve and all I will achieve. And I also much recognise my successes for all they are, not ignore them or down play them. IVE DONE GREAT, and so I should celebrate this!
This was a big day for me. And I am beyond proud, even though it may be a small feat to others.
What will you make yourself proud of today or in the coming days? How will you remove limits from your life? Are you willing to show yourself that you have your own back?

As of today, I’ve got mine 🙂

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